12 Steps To Leaving The House With Children

There are somethings you don’t understand about parenthood, until, you are, an actual parent. You can think you understand those things, but. You don’t. The obvious example of what I’m talking about? Trying to leave the house with kids. (Or even just one kid in our case)

During a particularly elongated attempt  at leaving the house, I decided to write down the twelve steps at leaving the house, when you have little people.

  1. Suggestion. This is normally when someone comes up with an idea of a thing to do. People without kids normally just get ready to go at this point.
  2. Negotiation. When you all work out where you want to go.
  3. Settlement on a plan. DECIDE SOMETHING!!
  4. Realising that the plan you settled on isn’t for whatever reason, going to work, and therefore, you go with the original idea.
  5. Start getting everyone washed, dressed, and shoes on. This step can take two maybe three hours.
  6. Ponder going to Tesco whilst you wait for small person / people to start getting ready.
  7. Time for Threats
  8. Time for Bribery
  9. Ponder if its too early for wine? 
  10. Someone starts cleaning whilst waiting for someone else.
  11. Ensure everyone who needs the toilet has gone to the toilet.
  12. Finish getting shoes on.
  13. Pack the inevitably needed snack.
  14. Pack some emergency wine.
  15. Realise that “someone” didn’t brush their teeth. Send them back to actually do it this time.
  16. Drink the flipping emergency wine.
  17. Leaving.
  18. Coming back to check if the door is locked.
  19. Leaving.
  20. Coming back to grab the camera.
  21. Leaving.
  22. “I NEED THE TOILET”
  23. Leaving.
  24. Time for Shouting.
  25. Time for Wailing.
  26. Time for Gnashing of teeth!!!
  27. Leaving and having a happy day. (Phew)

Yes. There are more then 12 steps.

There was always going to be more then 12 steps involved in getting children ready to go out.

What do you think I’ve missed?

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